'the substance' is summer's definitive menopausal text

and somehow i've become an expert!

I haven’t even had a hot flash yet, but somehow I’ve become the target audience for everything menopause.

My Insta ads are almost entirely for products to address menopausal hair loss and I’m becoming increasingly anxious that this is a problem I have, even though before the ads, I wouldn’t have thought so.

i screenshot these ads from three different companies on one insta scroll this morning

If it’s not hair loss, then it’s the menopause belly that I can address through Kourtney Kardashian’s GLP-1 probiotics or this purple plastic “reformer” for “pilates.” Oddly, the gals in the Pilapod ads are not menopausal at all. Their abdominals have not been yet been ripped apart by pregnancy and they still have the core strength to fold in half and make it look easy. It’s inspiring really. I asked my Pilates instructor and BFF Margaret if I need this plastic “reformer” for my living room to get the six pack I’ve always dreamed of and she was like, what the hell is wrong with you, you’re gonna hurt yourself immediately. (She’s the best.) (And not wrong.)

Recently I went to the gyn…