all i wanted was to be a cheerleader!!!

but my mom did not give a shit

Just like any normal sixth grader growing up in the suburbs, my greatest wish when I was twelve years old was to become a junior high school cheerleader. It didn’t matter that I could barely pull off a somersault without landing on top of my glasses. Or that I was afraid to actually launch myself from the ground. Or be upside down in any sort of way. Or that all my attempts at a front yard cartwheel left me folded over and stuck, until I’d finally lurch back into a standing position, dazed. You didn’t have to be the hero of one of my Nancy Drew fan fictions to crack this case—I was an indoor kid with zero athletic ability. But tryouts were next Saturday and I knew something other people didn’t know. I knew that I was filled with spirit. And that this was America! With a little spirit and a little determination, you could be anything you wanted to be.

somebody teach this bitch to do a carthweel!

I couldn’t wait to swathe myself in the yellow and black cheerleading uniform of Eisenhower M…