here we are, we're still here

plus an audio book giveaway!

My ex-husband died in mid-May and it’s been an extremely difficult thing to walk through. I met Jay when I was 20 years old. We got married when I was 23. We had a baby when I was 29 and got divorced when I was 30. I then spent the next 15 years watching him in various states of functioning and not functioning while I raised our son. And then when I was 45 I sat front row at his funeral, an event I’d never really imagined even though I probably should have.

I don’t have the words yet to really talk about what all of this has meant to me or to my kiddo. I’m sure that with time I will write about it because marrying Jay, having a child with Jay, has defined the course of my entire adult life. But it’s strange to be the ex-wife at someone’s funeral, especially after they’ve villainized you to all the people that care about them. I was kinder to Jay than I ever had to be. I picked up the pieces over and over again, just like I’m doing now. But I suppose that’s just what is expected of moth…