the men of the valley are not ok

and these marriages are giving me the ick

If you’re into Bravo, then you know everyone’s obsessed with the middle aged horror show that is The Valley.

don’t let this block party in formal wear fool you — these people are fucking miserable!

No one wanted The Valley. We were too busy watching 324908320582340 Housewife franchises. Plus Vanderpump Rules. Watch What Happens Live. The Below Deck universe. Summerhouse and (a surprisingly touching) Erika Jayne: Bet It All on Blonde.

We were exhausted.

But our Bravo overlords didn’t care. They said, sit down and take your medicine. Miserable fortysomethings who can’t afford to live in the hills will distract you from war, climate change, stripping women of their bodily autonomy, racism, AI, and late-stage capitalism. It will make you feel better.

And you know what?

It did.

A few things make The Valley special—

• A cast of reality TV newbies who don’t yet know how to hide their true selves or produce their own storylines

• The soul-crushing abyss that is striving for money, relevance, and an ap…