do i need a nose job?

or have i been watching too much Real Housewives of Miami

miami is a total vibe

I had a teensy tiny mental breakdown. Don’t worry, I’m fine. THRIVING. (JK, have you seen me? I’m walking around shell-shocked, except with great hair thanks to my new DryBar blow dry brush.¹ ) Anyway, I’m fine. But it was the kind of crisis that required a full day on the couch with my animals. And blankets. And pizza.

What I’m trying to tell you is: I watched all of the Real Housewives of Miami reboot. (Seasons 4 & 5 are waiting for you on Peacock!)

I’d heard Miami was the best Housewives franchise from the Whispering Alenes, a savage Facebook group where full adult people scream at each other about Kathy Hilton. (Yes, I’m still on Facebook. You want me to delete my account? You want me to delete my child’s baby pictures???? I’m old as hell, I can’t start over.) So in addition to alerting me that Beverly Hills…